A Queer Femme/Transfeminine Interfaith Feminist Celegaytion
Jenny GG’s captivating photography perfectly captured the essence of this unforgettable union. Joining forces was Molly, a talented software designer, and Haven, a dedicated nonprofit executive administrator. On a crisp autumn day, September 3, 2017, at Washington Hall in Seattle, WA, these two lovebirds sealed their commitment to one another.
Our offbeat wedding at a glance:
We deliberately infused our wedding ceremony with elements of both of our faith traditions, as well as nods to our vibrant, polyamorous, queer, trans communities. With 14 people in our wedding party, we were surrounded by loved ones who are dear to us. Molly’s creative flair shone through in her handmade paper bouquets and decorations, including a custom-made corset for the big day. She even incorporated her grandmother’s class ring into her bouquet as a sentimental touch.
The DIY spirit was alive and well at our wedding, with many of the decorations and accessories crafted by hand. Haven’s mom helped us create giant paper flowers, while Haven’s dad lent his expertise to making the light-up LOVE letters that served as our marquee sign. I quilted the chuppah canopy, and we fashioned all the flowers for the bouquets and centerpieces from paper.
Our wedding party was dubbed ‘The Order of the Phoenix’ because they’re a group of individuals who join us in fighting against the world’s evils. This eclectic group reflects our unique blend of personalities and values. As a reflection of our DIY ethos, inclusive community, diverse faith backgrounds, and feminist principles, our wedding was an celebration of love and commitment.
We encouraged our guests to share their pronouns with us, which we printed on their nametags as a symbol of inclusivity. My partner, a bearded, genderqueer, transfeminine individual, brought a unique perspective to the table. We felt it essential to proudly represent our relationship, as many people believe that those like us can’t or don’t deserve to find love and happiness.
Haven rocked a stunning wine-colored wedding dress, while I opted for a traditional white gown – a deliberate choice meant to challenge societal norms. One way we honored our feminist values was by creating a new name instead of taking each other’s surname. This decision allowed us to sidestep historical practices rooted in property transfer, which perpetuate an outdated notion that one person owns another.
By merging names from our matrilineal lines, we crafted a new identity that reflects our shared commitment and feminist principles.
Tell us about the ceremony:
As polyamorous individuals from diverse faith backgrounds, Haven (Episcopalian) and I (Jewish) sought to honor both traditions without reducing them to shared similarities. Our ceremony was led by a queer femme Episcopalian priest and my rabbi, whom we collaborated with over several months to understand the significance of various wedding rituals.
We selectively eliminated or adapted elements that focused on property exchange or exclusivity, replacing them with modern interpretations that respected our non-traditional relationship.
In crafting the Jewish aspects of our ceremony, I drew heavily from ‘Engendering Judaism’ by Rachel Adler and the Open Siddur Project. To reflect our polyamorous love, we removed references to exclusivity in our vows, committing instead to support the love we share with others.
My vows also included a nod to Buffy fandom, incorporating lines from Anya’s wedding to Xander.
The ceremony took place under a chuppah, a symbol of home and community, which I created using fabrics donated by our friends and family. Additionally, I handcrafted our ketubah on my papercutting machine, featuring the Hebrew phrase ‘To love is not to possess,’ taken from one of our ceremony’s readings.
In a humorous aside, I quipped during the ceremony, ‘I had clearly been enjoying some of the whiskey from our tasting bar.’
Tell us about your reception:
Our wedding reception was an unforgettable celebration with our closest friends, chosen family, and loved ones. As whiskey enthusiasts, Haven and I had been touring local distilleries for the past year, collecting a selection of our favorites to share with our guests during the cocktail hour. We cherished the opportunity to spend some quality time together, away from the hustle and bustle, as we savored each other’s company in yichud.
What truly made our special day stand out was the incredible sense of community that filled the room. With an open invitation for guests to wear whatever clothing felt most authentic to them, we were thrilled to see so many loved ones embracing their true selves, free from the constraints of traditional wedding attire. It was a liberating experience for everyone involved. Our friends and partners were an integral part of our celebration, offering unwavering support throughout the day.
They ensured we took time to enjoy the festivities, indulge in delicious food, breathe, and of course, raise a glass (or two) to our union. One of the highlights was the ‘shoe game,’ where our wedding party and partners came up with hilarious questions for our emcee to ask us after we’d had a few drinks. We traded shoes, sat back-to-back, and each held up the shoe that corresponded to the person we thought best fit the statement or question.
It was a laugh-filled moment, as we both agreed that Haven’s partner Heath has an undeniable talent for crafting clever puns!
What was your most important lesson learned?
While a receiving line may not be top of mind when planning a large wedding, I highly recommend incorporating one into your event. Our experience was an unexpected surprise that ultimately proved to be one of the highlights of the day. As guests returned to the ballroom after the ceremony and reception, our impromptu receiving line allowed us to connect with loved ones on a personal level, exchanging hugs and well-wishes despite the chaos.
What initially seemed like a forced idea actually turned out to be a wonderful way to show appreciation for everyone’s presence and celebrate our union in a more meaningful way.
Vendors
The wedding party and guests gathered at Washington Hall, where Rev. Shelly Fayette and Rabbi Olivier Ben Haim came together to celebrate the union of the couple. The bride, dressed in her stunning gown from I Do Bridal, was radiant as she exchanged vows with her groom. Haven’s Dress also played a role in the special day, with the maid of honor donning a beautiful dress from David’s Bridal.
As they sealed their love with a kiss, the newlyweds were surrounded by the warmth and joy of their loved ones. The ceremony was followed by a reception where guests indulged in delectable treats from Stuffed Cakes and savoried the flavors offered by Foodz Catering. Greenlake Jewelry Works provided the perfect accessories for the happy couple’s special day, including the rings they exchanged during the ceremony.
Gallery
More polyamorous wedding ideas
While we have an extensive collection of resources on planning a polyamorous wedding, I’d like to highlight a few popular and helpful pieces that you might appreciate. These articles offer valuable insights, tips, and inspiration for your special day.
Wedding ceremony readings for polyamorous couples
When it comes to finding the perfect wedding reading as a polyamorous couple, it’s essential to choose a piece that not only celebrates your love for each other but also acknowledges and respects the relationships you have with your extra-marital partners. After all, your wedding is a celebration of all three of you – or more! Here, we’ll explore some tips and tricks to help you find a poly-friendly wedding reading that honors your unique bond.
