How One Neurodivergent Couple Avoided Wedding Sensory Overload

A visual narrative was crafted by photographer Aisha Keita, showcasing the unique partnership between Ryookyung and Phil. The setting for this creative collaboration was The Good Northern, a charming waterfront cottage located in Ontario, Canada on June 22nd, 2022.

Our elopement of love and tranquility at a glance

In an effort to manage the sensory overload that often accompanies wedding celebrations, my partner and I decided to divide our special day into three distinct events. As individuals with neurodivergent characteristics, it was crucial for us to prioritize self-care and support throughout this journey.

We began by eloping, formalizing our union through legal means before embarking on a 4-day getaway that doubled as a honeymoon.

This intimate celebration allowed us to unwind and recharge in a spa setting.

Several months later, we gathered with our families of origin for brunch, marking the next phase of our wedding celebrations. Finally, at the end of 2022, we hosted a small reception party focused on Phil’s family friends and our out-of-town loved ones.

Throughout this process, we were fortunate to have Aisha and her husband Max by our side.

We had met them in Montreal the previous year through their photography services, and it was clear that they would not only capture stunning images of our elopement but also serve as trusted friends.

Our ceremony day begins

As the morning unfolded, I found myself immersed in a complex tapestry of emotions. The call from my dad, sharing the news that his father, my grandfather, had passed on to the other side, left me feeling vulnerable and raw. Tears flowed freely as Phil and I connected over the phone, and I took time to reach out to loved ones who were aware of this significant loss.

In hindsight, I’m grateful for the opportunity to fully confront the weight of my grief that morning.

It was a powerful day that seamlessly wove together threads of death, love, and community, all under the umbrella of our sacred ceremony.

Later, we ventured out to gather essential items: coffee for the group, hair styling for me, and flowers for our ancestral altar. As we set up the altar and prepared ingredients for our rituals, the atmosphere became increasingly palpable with anticipation.

As we got ready in our own spaces, I took care of my makeup while Aisha assisted me in securing my cape dress. Meanwhile, Phil penned his vows in the vow book I had created for us, a poignant testament to our love and commitment.

We interspersed various rituals throughout the day, including incense lighting, tea offerings for our ancestors, and heartfelt prayers from our closest loved ones. It was also a time when we asked our friends to shower us with love on this special day.

Our ceremony

We were faced with an unexpected situation when our officiant cancelled just weeks before our ceremony day. In response, we decided to opt for a symbolic ceremony and asked Phil’s friend Max to guide us through. I wrote a script for the occasion, drawing inspiration from Offbeat Wed’s ceremony script ideas. While I did feel some pressure, I ended up writing my vows on the fly, which turned out to be a bit of a jumbled mess!

That night, as I was getting ready for bed, inspiration struck and I penned a heartfelt letter to Phil (my vows 2.0, if you will). The next morning, we read it aloud over breakfast with Aisha and Max present, and it felt like the perfect expression of our love – short, easy, and casual. It’s a reflection of how we roll: laid-back, authentic, and true to ourselves.

The letter was a beautiful reflection of my feelings that day.

I wrote about wanting to slow down and enjoy life with Phil, focusing on the little things rather than getting caught up in stress and perfectionism. I acknowledged the grief we were feeling after losing our grandpa, but chose to channel it into creating a special day together. I looked back on our celebration and wished we had done things differently – taken more time to relax, played more, and focused on the rituals that truly mattered.

As I wrote in my letter, I hope our future celebrations are marked by simplicity, playfulness, and presence. I want to focus on what brings us joy, take silly photos, and cherish every moment with Phil.

Our Reception

As we celebrated, we indulged in delicious vegan Vietnamese fresh rolls crafted from scratch, accompanied by a vibrant strawberry confetti wedding cake courtesy of Kwento. It was essential for us to share a meal that our vegan friends, Aisha and Max, could fully appreciate with us.

Lessons learned from our elopement of love and tranquility

As we looked back on our elopement, it was clear that the most treasured moments weren’t just confined to the ceremony itself, but were woven throughout the entire experience. The beauty in those little moments had a way of surprising us at every turn.

In hindsight, I realize that I got caught up in the whirlwind of wedding planning and lost sight of what truly mattered.

I felt like I needed to do and buy all the things to make our day special, but it became hard to discern what was genuinely necessary, delightful, and true to us.

As someone who’s experienced trauma or lives outside the status quo, celebration can be a powerful act of liberation. It’s about breaking free from rules and conventions and seeing where they take you.

The key is to focus on the things that bring you pure joy and let go of everything else.

Follow your glimmers of fun and delight, and indulge in the magnificence of your love. Invite others to join in the celebration and create space for yourself and your partner to reconnect when needed.

Ultimately, it’s about cultivating a relationship with yourself and your desires, allowing that to be your guiding force. As you do, everything else will naturally fall away.

Vendors

The wedding party’s style was carefully curated by a talented team of creatives, led by photographer Aisha Keita (@aishakeitaa) and custom suit designer Natasha Espinoza (@natashaeshh). The groom’s stylish shirt was courtesy of Aritzia (@aritzia), while the stunning dress was designed by 4Kinship (@4kinship). For added elegance, Lorraine at Talee Studio (@talee_studio) crafted bespoke earrings and a boutonniere.

The custom-made cape was a showstopper, courtesy of Lamnhi Bridals, which paired perfectly with the Halo Crown from Carbickova Crowns (@carbickovacrowns). DanusHandy’s exquisite necklace and matching bracelets added a touch of sophistication to the overall aesthetic. The groom’s shoes were provided by L’intervalle (@lintervalle), while his hair was styled by Shelby at Showpony Hair (@showponyhair). To complete the look, the couple opted for custom rings from LLY Atelier (@lly_atelier).

Party Noodles (@party. noodles) handled planning and design, as well as creating beautiful vow books. The picturesque venue was The Good Northern (@thegoodnorthern), where the couple also cut their cake courtesy of Kwento (@make_kwento).

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